A little bit of "me time"

Today I was standing by the sink, looking out of the window.

Z was in the garden, wearing just a nappy and his shoes, gathering sticks to throw over the neighbours fence.  Twin 1 had just spit up on her dress and Twin 2 was sucking on a wet wipe.

We were running behind and I needed to get the bath run, the bedtime bottles made, our dinner put on...

In that very brief moment, I had a little look at the sky (still beautifully clear blue on this summer evening), I felt the water running through my fingers, I felt my bare feet on the floor and I stopped worrying.

I stopped thinking "I should clean up that sick, I should take away those wet wipes, I should play with Z, I should find him a t-shirt, I should hoover the floor, I should bring in the washing, I should be thinner, I should be eating organic, I should be posting on Instagram, I should call my Gran, I should reply to that text, I should get my nails done"

I managed, for one very brief moment to switch off the "noise" - to stop feeling guilty, or obligated, or inadequate.  And it made me realise what a very rare moment that was.

In fact, it made me realise how infrequent those moments are.  I'm constantly trying to grab some "me time".  But when I chill out and watch a movie, I feel guilty that I'm not tidying the house.  When I go to get my hair done, I enjoy talking about the kids.  As I fall asleep I think about tomorrow's plans.  When I go shopping, or read a magazine, I think "I should be as thin as her, I should buy that top, I should redecorate"

But actually, "me time" shouldn't be orchestrated, it's any moment - anytime of day or night when I feel like I'm just me.  No worries, no self- imposed guilt or obligations.  Just a kid running around in a nappy, or chewing on a wet wipe, or absent mindedly staring out of a window at the sky.