Before there was the Internet, Mums knew other Mums who lived nearby. And they knew their own Mum, their Gran and their friends. And maybe they read a parenting book, or a magazine article, or watched a programme on the telly. So what they knew was what they knew. If they lived on a hippy commune in the countryside or an inner city terraced house, they knew what was around them.
The Internet has opened our eyes to tremendous possibility, but as a parent that can often also mean tremendous pressure. We're exposed to lots of stuff that we don't know, or didn't know, but we feel we ought to know.
Without the Internet, parenting tribes would never have gathered, we would parent as our parents did, as our friends did. We wouldn't need to stress about our lack of vegan food and yoga. Or that the kids had too many toys. Or that they had their dummies too long. We would look to our community, cross reference the few styles we could see and mimic them.
If I lived close to my mother and grandmother and had no Internet, I certainly wouldn't have heard of hypnobirthing or baby-led weaning.
So what do we do now that we know what we know? We can't be all types of parent. We can't on-board all the information out there and come up with anything useful, so how do we learn, open our eyes, embrace new possibilities but not become overwhelmed? And most importantly, not let it affect how we think of our own ability to parent or how we think of ourselves.
1. Be authentic - if you really do like vegan food and yoga, and you really want your kids to take part - do that. But if you actually don't mind them eating a McDonald's burger, don't feel guilty about it. Don't be afraid to talk authentically about your choices and don't judge others.
2. Listen to your Mum - or your Gran and the older women in your life. They really have seen it all before. They are your best support and whilst they don't use the same terms, they're quite often saying the same things as you. They probably aren't on the Internet. That's part of why their opinions are valuable.
3. Remember it's about the kids. What kind of parent you are is irrelevant really - what kind of children you have is what counts - are they kind, and honest, and polite? That's probably more important than whether or not they co-sleep.
4. Don't compare. Everyone has an Internet 'game face' and if you're looking at your real life, on a bad day, and someone else's organic crafting blog, it's not like for like. And it will only make you feel worse. Learn from the Internet communities you love, don't get caught in a trap of comparisons.
5. Get off the computer/ get your face out of your phone. And breathe, and enjoy the moment and the company around you. Look really closely at your kids, in that moment, and then decide what they do or don't need.
6. Embrace inconsistency. Some days you'll feel like you nailed it. Some days you'll walk down the street sobbing into your greasy hair while your babies wail. That's the way it goes. Don't pretend. And don't worry.
7. Make friends. In the real world, or over the Internet, find other Mums you love and admire, and learn from them. Are they Mums who love gin? Or outdoorsy Mums? Choose your peers wisely and let them enhance your journey.
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