Why Men Are Crap
The Guardian ran an article yesterday (25th October) entitled "Why men are crap", in response to ad executive Neil French's claims that women make rubbish employees and Gorden Ramsey's suggestion that women can't cook. The responses from a variety of women were interesting but I can't help feeling they collectively missed the point. Men Are Simple. They are sooooo simple that women, complex little bunnies that they are spend months, years, lifetimes trying to rationalise their behavior.
In the current climate, three main "gender issues" emerge.
Firstly, that progress has been made in the way that people are perceived. There is a much stronger "individual" focus rather than gender based distinctions. Both male and female definitions of self have (eventually) become much less based on stereotypical "roles" and more focused on specific "functions". Nevertheless, the repercussions of these changes have had serious impact on interaction between the sexes.
Men are currently experiencing a severe loss of identity. It is no longer acceptable to "just be the man" as their fathers were, neither is it desirable to be a "gay best friend" and since men are creatures of extremes, they seem unable to find a happy medium in between.
Thirdly, women have always been pressured by society to achieve. Motherhood has always been high on the list, as have being the "good little wife" which reached it's height in the fifties when the expectations were of domestic bliss and the supreme hostess. In the eighties, following the revolution, these changed to power dressing and career success. In the millennium, women are expected to; have a career, achieve success in that career and prove themselves in the work place, have and then personally take care of children (without this affecting aforementioned career), participate in the "ladette" culture, have a wide circle of friends, be a domestic goddess a la Nigella, maintain a svelte size ten and to do all this whilst attractively turned out in the latest fashion.
So, the balance is unsurprisingly a little off kilter. Interestingly, in the Guardian's article, it seemed as though the "old school" style of complaining about men was still popular amongst most. "Well, I love men very much and think they're wonderful and they're much better at reading maps than I am but they are very messy when they cook." That's Crap!
Men never have had and never will have any foresight. They function entirely in the moment, surviving on small, bite size chunks of information. They are good at reading maps and at fixing broken equipment around the house, but everyone forgets how long it takes them to achieve. Men don't have any better idea than women do of how a DVD player works, or how to get to Norwich from Sheffield. What they do have is an innate ability to remove themselves from any situation and apply absolute focus until the task is achieved. Even if that does take two hours and everything is in a mess when they're finish. This concept of crapitude does demonstrate that men are very handy in a crisis. In the style of The Terminator, they will save the day, but with absolutely no regard for all the things they had to smash, shoot, kick, punch and drive through in order to get results.
Another popular misconception in the "why men are crap" game is that their simplicity makes them childlike. Women complain of regularly having to look after men, having to explain complex situations to them, helping them with personal hygiene, washing their clothes, cooking for them. "My husband is so crap", they say, "that without me, he just wouldn't be able to function." Well Lady, the reason that you're wrong there is that they would function perfectly well, it just would be a very different version of how what you call functioning. Men probably don't develop much past childhood, but the women who persist in mothering them and pandering to their needs are as much to blame.
The real reasons why men are crap has nothing to do with stereotypical and traditional views. It has nothing to do with male values, male egos and pride and their inherent need for sheds. Men love to gossip. They love divulging secrets and hearing about the misfortune of others. Like an embarrassing Great Aunt, they say the most inappropriate things wherever possible. Like a smelly dog, they fart without warning. Like a child, they blurt out secrets and surprises. Last but not least, they whinge. About everything on a permanent basis. Everything they say is centered around a complaints. They also tend to nag quite a lot, especially harassing defenseless animals or very young children.
So, men are crap. And they're crap because all the reasons they give for women being crap are things they're guilty of themselves. Nagging, moaning, whinging and gossiping. And all Neil French and Gordon Ramsey have demonstrated is that yes, they are men and yes, they are crap.
Let's just all play nice shall we boys.
Why are some people so rude?
How can full grown, respectable men and women sometimes forget every word they have ever been taught on the subject of manners?
I appreciate that there is a sliding scale- not everyone shares the same upbringing- but surely manners are so habitual that even the most provoking situation should not cause a complete break down of the most basic functions. Children are taught to remember please and thank you. They are encouraged to treat everyone as they would like to be treated themselves. They are sent to the naughty corner when they disrespect others.
In the meantime, business professionals steal seats from old ladies on the Underground, workers in service industries are regularly undermined, provoked and harassed and cheerful friendly members of society are dismissed with a haughty shrug or worse.
The instigators of these crimes should be very firmly sent to the naughty corner and told not to return!
It would seem however, (without being in any way discriminatory) that the main culprits in these crimes are overweight, balding, very red faced, middle aged men with an inferiority complex. And they are not the easiest beasts to coax into the naughty corner.
As a temporary receptionist, my day is filled with such men.
"Who shall I say is calling?" I trill.
"Mmmmh Drifles" they mumble into the handset, generally whilst their voices are muffled by phone crackle.
"I'm sorry sir, can I ask you to repeat your name please?" I gently question.
"My name is Mark Dayton, they SNAP BACK MEANLY.
"Well Sir, I'm sorry to have to ask again but I'm a telephonist not telepathic, and I didn't quite hear you the first time, as you weren't enunciating very effectively. If you had preferred, I could have announced you as Mmmmh Drifles, but then you probably would have been laughed at."
In they rush these men, particularly red faced and sweating.
"I have a meeting at 2 o clock, they pronounce.
"Can I just ask you to sign in?" I ask. SLAM, down goes the paperwork onto the reception desk. SIGH as they pick up the pen.
"I really am very late and would like to get to my meeting" they HUFF.
"Well Sir, if you had better time management in the first place, you wouldn't have been in such a rush and worked yourself into this fluster. But I can see that the very time consuming task of signing into the visitor's book is to blame and I can only apologize for having been so audacious as to suggest you complete this essential safety measure. If you'd prefer, you can skip it and when the building burns down and you are trapped in the upstairs bathroom and no-one knows because you're not on the list, it won't be on my conscience."
There was a gentleman last week who came to reception and said that he had a meeting. Having already been forewarned of his arrival, I chirped in my very best receptionist voice,
"Is it Ryan Coonan?"
"IS IT?" He thundered.
"You should say, ARE YOU Ryan Coonan?" he shouted at me.
"I am not an it!" He hollered.
"Well Sir, as I was actually referring to you name, that is, a noun, the question Is your name Ryan Coonan? and Is it Ryan Coonan? are virtually synonymous and equally grammatically valid."
What emerges here as a pattern is a very real sense of lost identity amongst these men. The concept of checking into a building, preparing for a meeting is important. "One wants always to create the correct impression. One doesn't want some two bit receptionist messing with One's psyche and disrupting One's sense of self. One gets enough of that at home from the wife. Or, more probably, One doesn't get any at all."
Ahh, bless the poor little men, experiencing a mid life crisis and a sense of displacement in the big bad world with their fancy cars and their important jobs and their business lunches. How dare the "little people" impinge on their day in such a consistent manner.
I used to work in a book shop and as a retail assistant, the role involved a lot of customer interaction. And also, a lot of searching for books.
"For God's sake", I remember a particular man ranting, "Do you know absolutely nothing at all about books?"
"Well sir, I'm only nineteen and whilst I'm studying for a degree in English Literature, the particular book that you're looking for is an obscure German History title- not a specialist subject of mine. And of course, Waterstones could employ like minded men of your own age and stature with whom you could converse freely about this particular book, but I shouldn't imagine that there are that many willing to work in a job that pays £4.25 an hour and involves standing up all day and talking with the likes of you."
Why don't people take that extra second before they speak to consider the circumstance of the person they're talking to? Why don't they take one minute to compose themselves and think about how they look? What they look like is immature bullies who are so narrow minded, so egocentric and unnecessarily irritated and so puffed up with their own importance that they can't even acknowledge other people, let alone offer them a smile. Which, when the overall picture is taken into consideration, it's what I call rude.
Imagine how awful it is, sitting on the phone, on hold to a call centre. Imagine how irritating it is, when you finally get through that the person on the other line has no idea what you're talking about and is so incompetent that they cannot help you. Then imagine sitting in a call centre all day, every day, taking calls from irate customers who have been short changed, ignored or neglected by a large name company and really want to take out their pathetic rage on you. One after another after another. Which is worse?
In conclusion. JUST STOP AND THINK. You will never know everyone's back stories, you will never know why they work where they do, wear what they wear and behave how they behave. They probably don't know themselves. But always remember that a smile and cheer goes an awfully long way, and if you can't manage that then basic courtesy, manners and decency will do. AND DON'T SHOUT AT PEOPLE.
....And Relax
